


love steals us from loneliness

by emmerrr



Series: Only Fools Rush In [11]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Bad Days, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 19:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20606240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmerrr/pseuds/emmerrr
Summary: It's time to head back to college, and Adam doesn't want to go





	love steals us from loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> written for a tumblr prompt which was: “Ugh, why did I eat that?”
> 
> title is an idlewild song :)

Morning arrives unwelcome.

Adam’s instantly alert upon waking up, not like the usual half an hour it takes him to become somewhat coherent and cognitive. The other side of the bed is empty but still warm, and he can vaguely hear the shower running, so Ronan’s obviously only just got up. He doesn’t know what time it is, but he knows he needs to be on the road by midday unless he wants an absolutely hellish journey.

He also knows he doesn’t want to leave.

It’s always hard to say goodbye at the start of a new semester, but there’s always been an undercurrent of excitement there, too. The anticipation of classes and settling into a new routine and getting to learn new things. This time, all Adam feels is dread. It’s never been like this before; never has the prospect of a new semester made him clam up and lock down. Never before has everything inside him just said _no _quite as emphatically as this. Not about school.

The shower clicks off and Adam quickly reaches out and grabs his phone to check the time. It’s only just after seven so he puts it back, pulls the covers up higher to hide most of his face, and shuts his eyes.

A moment later the bedroom door opens and Adam listens to Ronan putter about, opening and closing the closet as he dresses for the day. Then the bed dips next to him and Adam feels the heat radiating off of Ronan, fresh out of the shower. It’s quiet for a few seconds, but then Ronan exhales slowly, and runs the back of his fingers down the side of Adam’s face. The touch is so light that Adam’s not sure he hasn’t imagined it, and it takes everything in him not to open his eyes. But the minute he does, Ronan will know that something is wrong, and Adam doesn’t know how to explain.

He just needs a moment to decide where the feeling is coming from, so he can pick it apart and then put it aside.

A kiss is pressed to Adam’s temple, and then Ronan’s weight is gone, his footsteps cross the room, and the door shuts with a quiet click behind him.

Adam is alone, and he opens his eyes.

He touches his face where Ronan’s hand just was. _This, _he thinks, _is what I’m going to miss._

He wonders if it’s perhaps because it’s winter. They’ve just spent the holidays together and the Christmas decorations are still up, and it’s so much warmer in the Barns than it ever gets in the tiny off-campus apartment Adam shares with two other people. He had exams and deadlines before the holidays so the time off has been completely blissful in that he’s had literally no other obligations. He’s just been able to enjoy himself, and enjoy Ronan.

Maybe it’s because he’s now halfway through his third year, and the novelty has worn off, and the knowledge that he still has a year and a half to go until graduation is now just a heavy weight in his mind.

Adam doesn’t _want _that to be the case. But he’s trying to be honest with himself about how he feels, and at the moment, college is absolutely the _last _place he wants to go.

He so badly wants to stay.

Deciding that maybe a shower will bring him more clarity, Adam drags himself out of bed and into the bathroom.

It’s still steamy in there from Ronan’s shower and it is nice to stand under the hot water and wash the night off. He feels refreshed by the time he gets out and hunts down some clothes, but then he has to pack his PJs in his duffel to take back to school and his mood instantly sours again.

He thinks about the long drive ahead of him, about having to stay up late tonight to register officially for his new classes at midnight, about having to meet with his study group tomorrow. He doesn’t want to do any of it.

He wants to go back to bed with Ronan and sleep until he can face the world again.

Adam trudges quietly down the stairs and stops at the bottom of them. He can see into the kitchen from here; Ronan is pouring batter into a waffle iron. The side door in the kitchen bangs and Opal trots in, and Adam hangs back to watch. No one has noticed that he’s there.

Opal steps up to Ronan and pulls on the bottom of his sweater. “Here,” she says as he turns, and holds something out to him. It’s a sandwich. “For you.”

Ronan arches an eyebrow sky high and Adam smiles despite himself. “You made this?”

Opal nods proudly.

“Is this fit for human consumption?”

“Duh,” Opal says, and Adam can’t fully see her face from this angle but he can imagine her rolling her eyes, a gesture she learned from Ronan. And to be fair, it certainly _looks _like real bread, although the fact that she’s brought it in from outside is highly suspect.

“Alright,” Ronan says, accepting the offered sandwich and taking an absolutely enormous bite, which is either incredibly stupid or incredibly brave.

He chews, pauses, then hurries to the sink to spit it out. “Ugh, why did I _eat _that?”

Adam laughs lightly but something tugs in his chest. He can’t leave them, he doesn’t want to leave them, can’t he just _stay…_

He steps into the kitchen and Opal runs straight to him and grabs his hand, twirling around. Ronan turns around and points at Opal accusingly. “You said it was fit for human consumption, brat. Dirt sandwiches are not people food.”

“They are if you’re not a coward,” she sing-songs back, before laughing and running back outside before Ronan can catch her.

Ronan grabs some milk from the fridge and drinks straight from the carton to try and dislodge the taste.

“Manners, Lynch,” Adam says, grabbing it from him and pouring him a glass instead. He hands it over and Ronan drinks it down greedily. “Honestly, what were you expecting?”

“I dunno. Nutella?”

Adam shakes his head, but he’s fond, _so _fond. “My favourite thing about this is that she specifically took bread outside to make that. Like…she could have just used tree bark or something, but no. She committed to tricking you into eating dirt and it just _worked.”_

“Well I’m glad you enjoyed it so much,Parrish.” Ronan downs the rest of his glass of milk and puts it down next to the sink, then heads over to the waffle iron. “Anyway, I’m making waffles. You want any?”

Adam does want waffles. He wants nothing more than to sit down and eat a mountain of waffles and then retreat into the living room under a blanket where he and Ronan can make out until the sun goes down. Then he wants to do it again tomorrow.

It’s an overwhelming want, and Adam’s shaken by the force of it. He’s no clearer to discovering the source of the feeling, or why it’s affecting him today when he was fine yesterday.

It feels cruel to tell Ronan somehow, but Adam can’t help it. He can’t keep this inside. He loops his arms around Ronan’s waist and presses his forehead into the back of his neck.

“I’ll take that as a yes to waffles then,” Ronan says, a laugh in his voice. But when Adam doesn’t respond, Ronan reaches up to hold his hands. “Parrish?”

“I don’t want to go,” Adam says, but it’s quiet and it’s muffled against Ronan’s back.

“Adam?”

He leans back which gives Ronan the space to be able to turn around to face him, and he cups Adam’s face with his hand, his expression concerned.

Misery overtakes Adam and he looks at the floor. “I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here.”

Ronan remains absolutely frozen for a few seconds, but then he blinks slowly, sighs, and smiles sadly. “You’ve got classes, Adam. And a schedule. But you’ll be back before you know it.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do,” Ronan says, and his eyes narrow slightly.

Adam is abruptly annoyed. “Your waffles are burning,” he says curtly, and Ronan turns around with a curse, rescuing his waffles which are now blackening around the edges. 

He tosses them onto a plate but leaves them on the counter, turning back around to Adam and crossing his arms.

“So what,” he says, and _good, _he’s annoyed, too, “you’re staying now?”

“Well apparently I’m not welcome,” Adam snaps, feeling awful, and is this what he’s doing? Picking a fight to make it easier to leave? That won’t work, he knows distantly that it won’t. But he wants Ronan to hold him close and say that he can stay forever and that isn’t what’s happening, and Adam doesn’t know how they got here.

“Don’t fucking do that, I never said that and you know it’s not true. This is _your _home, Adam, as much as it’s mine.”

Adam feels too in it to back down now. “Then fine, I’m staying. I said I wanted to stay so I’m staying.”

Ronan throws his hands up. “Okay, great, you’re staying. So you’re dropping out of college then?”

Adam pauses. “I didn’t say–”

But Ronan bulls on. “Do you want to tell them, or should I? That they can give your scholarship to someone else, that all the work you’ve put in so far means fuck all now?”

Adam scowls. “I get it, Ronan.”

He’s on a roll now. “Come on then, let’s drive up there and get the rest of your stuff. May as well get it over with. It’s a great fucking day for a road-trip.”

“I said I _get _it, you can stop now, I’m obviously not dropping out,” Adam snaps and he turns on his heel and walks outside, stopping briefly in the porch to pull on some wellington boots; just because he’s storming out doesn’t mean he wants to get frostbite.

He’s almost at the furthest field before Ronan catches up with him; out of breath, nose and cheeks rosy from the cold. He’s got his coat on though, and he has another one over his arm.

“Adam, I’m sorry, okay? Put this on.”

Adam stops walking and takes the coat, pulling it on. It’s warm and it smells like Ronan and all at once he’s had enough.

_“Ronan,”_ he starts, and it’s all he _needs _to say. Ronan’s arms are around him instantly, safe and secure and unwavering. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Well _I _do,” Ronan says, and he pulls back so he can look Adam in the eye. “It’s a bad day. That’s all.”

Adam sniffs. It’s mostly from the cold. “A _really _bad day.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Ronan says, then offers a small smile. “If you really want to stay, you know you can. You can drop out of college and live here with me and work at Boyd’s or we could just live off family money, if that’s what you really want. But I don’t think it is.” 

He scrutinises Adam for a reaction, and Adam scrunches his nose up distastefully and shakes his head. “No, that’s not what I want.” And it’s not, of course it’s not. Today’s meltdown aside, Adam loves college, and he’s worked hard for it, and he’s not quitting now just because leaving Ronan means leaving a piece of his heart behind.

Ronan kisses him, and it’s grounding and comforting and Adam melts into him. “One more Christmas like this,” Ronan whispers into the space between their lips. “Just one more, and then our time is our own. We can do this. Fuck, we’ve _been _doing this.”

Adam nods, and Ronan presses their foreheads together. “C’mon, Parrish. It’s freezing out here and there’s burnt waffles to eat.”

“I would’ve thought you’d prefer a dirt sandwich,” Adam says drily, and Ronan smirks.

_“There’s_ the bastard I fell in love with.”

Later, Adam drives down the highway with one of Ronan’s mixtapes playing as loudly as the shitbox will allow. He glances down briefly and spies the soup-filled thermos that Ronan gave him before he left in the cup-holder. (”For when you get hungry, Parrish.”)

He has the memory of a thousand _see you soon _kisses repeating in his mind, he’s wearing Ronan’s hoodie, and he’s going to call home as soon as he arrives.

He feels better. And he smiles.


End file.
